Nice guys pt. 2

So, unless you live under a rock, you read this little ditty yesterday about why girls don’t like nice guys. And you know that today I’m talking about how it’s working out for me. It being dating the nice, confident guy.

 

This is the thing. No one (and when I say no one I really mean no one I know) wants to spend all their time reassuring the person they’re with that they rock. Because if you’re dating, chances are, you think your SO rocks. Basic math, right? Don’t get me wrong, I see nothing wrong with having to build up someone because they’re having a rough day, or feeling insecure. But daily? It’s a beating. And eventually you just get tired of it. It’s like in the movie, She’s Outta My League, which is about this average joe nice guy who lands his dream girl. He’s constantly insecure because he thinks she’s perfect. And when he gets excited to find out she has a minor flaw, the female lead loses it. She tells him he would be a ten, but she has to deduct a point for the insecurity, then another for putting her on a pedestal, then the rest for wishing he’d have flaws. If something is a consistent behavior, it wears you down. Being on a pedestal constantly wears you down.

I tell E this all the time, but the reason we work so well together is because he hasn’t put me on a pedestal. Obviously he adores me, and thinks I’m wonderful and perfect for him. But I don’t feel pressure to never mess up, because I’m not on this pedestal of being perfect. He tells me when I’m acting crazy, or ridiculous or if my outfit looks weird. And I love that. I need that. For me, part of a relationship is the accountability partnership. Keeping each other in check. In a nice way.

From what I’ve learned, nice confident guys put you first. Your needs, your wants, your concerns. But they have their own lives, their own friends, their own schedules. They make time for you, but don’t give up all their time for you. You aren’t a single cell organism, you’re two people in a pair. They encourage you to go have girl’s nights or pursue the volunteer dream job you get a shot at. They encourage you to grow, and when you succeed they’re proud. Not boastful. Just proud of you.

But they don’t need you every second. They’re confident enough in themselves, and in your relationship to not be afraid to speak up when they don’t like something, instead of being a doormat to you. They’re okay with you not seeing your phone for awhile because you’re studying, or with your friends, whatever.

And it’s nice. To have stability, to have someone who cares about you and your well-being. Someone who isn’t so afraid that you’ll decide you’re out of their league and walk if they offer up an opinion. To have a nice guy, who believes in himself as much as you do.