Rambling about happiness.

You know how when you’re a teenager, you swear you know everything in the whole world because you’re just such a smarty pants? Guilty. And life is currently slapping me in the face with a reminder that I’m not quite the genius I’d like to think I am.

And there’s not necessarily anything wrong with not knowing. Isn’t that the best part of growing up? Making mistakes and learning from them? But what about when the mistakes lead you to a broken heart, or an ex banging on your window while you’re trying to sleep, or having to reforge old friendships that your choices messed up?

Then is it really that great?

I’ve been praying over the last month for guidance. More like a lighthouse type thing, I guess, to show me where I’m going. And then when I got my answers, I didn’t like what I had to do to get there. So I just prayed, hoping the answer would change. It didn’t. SURPRISE! So I had to evaluate again why I was praying. Did I really want answers, as much as they hurt, or did I want justification? And would I really feel all that fulfilled if I didn’t trust in the plan that was made for my life?

Which meant I had to pick myself up, put on my big girl sassy pants and make changes. Say good bye to the people who constantly tore me down, belittled me and hurt me, as much as the good bye hurt. Go back to the people who always supported me, held me up and believed in me.
I finally decided that I would much rather be happy. And being stubborn and making my own rules wasn’t making that happen.

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