Set me free.

Four years ago tomorrow the day that changed my entire life path happened. Four years ago today, I had no worries, great friends and an incredible boyfriend. Four years ago tomorrow, that all changed. And there’s no blog post I can write that puts into words exactly how it feels, or that can tell you exactly how to recover. Every day becomes a different struggle you face. Then you conquer it and move on to the next one.
The day after it happened, we went to Oklahoma to see my family for Christmas. No one knew but me, and the guy. He had been my very best friend, and instead of being able to help me through this, he was the one I was fighting.
I didn’t tell an adult until a few days before my sixteenth birthday. I didn’t go to the police until the night of my sixteenth birthday.
And then my life became a whirlwind of fighting mean girls at school, girls who had been my closest friends and all of a sudden hated me. I was called names, threatened, and would get on MySpace to death threats. Because I didn’t let them be there when I told my mom, because I had waited to tell, because I had trusted him. Once a week, I’d go see the most amazing Rape crisis counselor who helped me work through everything that was coming up, and strengthening my faith in Christ.
That Spring, he was formally arrested and charged with sexual assault on a minor. In August they went to court, and he accepted the plea deal. By pleading guilty, he was charged with aggravated assault, and had probation, sex offender therapy and was listed as a sex offender until he turned 18.
I’ve gone through the whole range of emotion, from that was too much, to that wasn’t nearly enough. But I don’t think anything could ever satisfy the vengeful urge to hurt someone as much as they hurt you. An eye for an eye never works.

So tomorrow, I will be (hopefully) lying in my living room all day, watching funny movies, and trying to focus on how much this has made me grow, not how much it took away. Because at some point, I have to stop giving him the power of controlling my life.

P.S. Tomorrow, Cody is posting for me, and he’s so worried no one will like it. So come back and read it so he feels good, yeah? Smile


Sarah Stright said...

How amazing of you to post this. Very brave. My sister went through a very similar experience when she was younger so I know the kind of toll something like that takes on a person. It's wonderful that you've moved on and are taking the power away from him. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and wishing you happiness. (And I'm looking forward to Cody's post!)

La Mode by Marianne said...

Congratulations to you for being so strong and so willing to share your story.

I got my bachelors degree in Criminal Justice and it never ceases to amaze me how strong survivors just like you are. You are truly an inspiration - you make other victims realize recovery is possible.

Keep living one day at a time...you're doing great!

KnittedFox said...

Hey Missie! Have I told you how inspiring you are? Or how strong I think you are? Or how wonderful you are? What about how I think you are the cutest and sweetest thing on the web?

I haven't known you long, but learned very quick you determined, happy, understanding, and have strong sense of self. You don't hide from your problems- you meet them head on- with force. It's incredible. To be honest, I wish I was more like you.

Tomorrow will be a good day for you, because you will make it a good day. The hearts of your family members and friends (including mine and others online) will be with you.

Keep up being such a bad ass! [hugs]

Alyssa said...

You are such a brave, strong woman! The way you've been/are handling this is amazing!

Alana Christine said...

Thank you for opening up and sharing this with us. You are so brave!
My thoughts will be with you tomorrow.
Keep your head up and be proud of who you've become--a brave, beautiful, creative, funny young woman.

GingerPeachT said...

im a little slow, but I do understand now what happened, and you my dear are a very strong person. Don't let anyone else tell you different!
I can't imagine what you went through but I am so glad that you decided to cling to God through that tough time and you as the song mentioned, it sets you free!


I cant wait to see what he posts! ;-)

GiGi Reed said...

What a great and touching post. Thank you for sharing this and being brave enough to open up to your readers! You are strong and beautiful. :)


Anna Elizabeth said...


That is all.

But really, you're amazing and you should be so so so proud of yourself for being so strong and resilient and not letting anything get in your way of becoming such a wonderful young woman.