Blocked

Guys, I have bloggers block.

I mean, I could tell you how my ex is now texting me apologizing because he thinks he didn't show me how much he loved me, and that he made our relationship boring. That he's hitting the nail on the head on exactly what HE did that made me lose interest, but not what I did.  And I could tell you how that's breaking my heart, because I hate that he's carrying that guilt around when we were really just two different people right now.

I could tell you how all of a sudden I have this huge rebellious streak that's dying to get out. All of a sudden I want to make bad decisions, like drinking coffee after 4PM. I have been such a goody good my entire life, never ever crossing that line of danger. I've always errored on the side of extreme caution. And now I'm tired of it. I want to make decisions based on how I'm feeling in the moment, not based on hours of deliberation. I want to be spontaneous. I want to let loose.

I could tell you how bad I need to clean my room. And that it took me two weeks to find my favorite v-neck because my room is so messy, but that I totally intend to clean it when I get a chance.

I could tell you how much I love the people who have wandered into my life, and are teaching me exactly who I want to be. Independent, but not emotionally damaged. Strong, but not withdrawn and jaded. Social, but not a partier. Smart, but not cocky. Well liked, but not a people pleaser. I could tell you how incredibly grateful I am for all of these people who have come around, both in real life and bloggers like Ashley , Anna and Sarah.

I could tell you how the weather is making the kids at work act crazy, and it's in turn driving me crazy. And making me question ever having kids. I could tell you how I may or may not have texted several people that I would be selling my eggs in a few months.

I could tell you how excited I am to get this kitten, and how sad I'm going to be if she hates to cuddle. Because I need another cuddle buddy.

I could tell you how I'm so excited to get paid, because it means I can get a whole new wardrobe.

I could tell you how I've been through downtown Fort Worth every night since Saturday to see my friends, and how encouraging it is to see the gorgeous skyline as I drive by.

But instead, I have bloggers block and nothing to say. Go figure.