The other day, my homework assignment was to write a case study on myself and how that led me to studying psychology. Which then got me thinking about how I got here, in this moment, period. How I got to a point in my life where I’m genuinely happy, where I don’t feel stuck in a rut or like I need to rush to change things. Contentment.

But that doesn’t necessarily mean I got here easy, or that things will be smooth sailing forever. There were tears, struggles and tests without a doubt. When I was seventeen, I used my Facebook as a blog, and one thing I wrote that has never, ever left the back of my mind is “I would rather live, and get bruised. Because at least that means I was out there, trying. I can still get back up and try again if I'm on the field. But not if I lock myself away on the sidelines.” I am in no way the same person I was at seventeen, but all the pieces of my puzzle, though some may have changed or shifted are still there.

There’s the part that grew up with an extended family of mostly males. I was literally the first girl born in about twenty years, and the next girl is 10 years younger than me. The part who’s heart fills with joy whenever Toby realizes he’s going on a real car ride with me. The part who will always be a Yankee. The part who adores that boy and his puppy with her whole heart. The part who loves clothes and fashion. The part that falls in and out of love with the glitz and glamour of pageants just as deeply as the community service. And the part that teared up today when I realized my precious kindergarten babies are now big first graders.


And maybe that’s what this is all about. If you fill up your life with people and things who fill you up with love, if you challenge yourself, keep moving, keep striving, maybe that’s when that inner peace comes about and you realize it’s okay. It’s okay to fight with someone you love, or move states or quit a hobby. As long as at the end of the day, you’re still you, still fulfilling your own desires.

1 comment:

Alana Christine said...

That was a very intense assignment for having just started school! lol